I AM SO HAPPY.
We have been great lately. Had one fight to overcome.
We nit-pick in a healthy way. He pinches me, i poke him, we're crabby. But its so healthy and refreshing.
I was thinking tonight about how much I love him. I am getting scared now though. We have only been dating for a year. What if we can't last to get married?

The problem I realized is that I am a planner. I schedule everything. I don't like "going with the flow" so I just have the habit of envisioning things. I just have this feeling in the pit of my stomach that he is the one for me. I am just scared because he wants to go to Med School and I fully support that! I just love him so much. I love being around him. The best part of any relationship (in my mind) is going to bed with that person and waking up in the morning (most likely to his silly alarm) and just sighing relief that its another day and you get to start it with him.

I'm only 20. Sometimes I wish we met late in life just so we could be ready. I love him with all my heart. I love doing things for him. To see him happy makes me happy.

R--i love you.

Dear my once lover,

Its hard to believe its been a year.  I almost feel like you are dead. Its sad. This time last year I was broken. But here i sit tonight stronger for knowing you. I always said that I lived without regrets. When we broke up I questioned that. Thinking I had wasted 1 1/2 years of my life. But I didn't. I learned to love someone with my entire heart. To not hold back. To love myself. I know you loved me deep down but you sure didn't want to commit.  It took you too long to realize the passion we shared. I know you are with a new girl now and I hope you don't let her get away like you did to me. I miss you sometimes and wonder where we would be if we had made it work. But then I think of the terrible things you did and said about me. And I know that isn't love. My boyfriend now isn't perfect, don't you think that. But he shows me everyday that he cares about me. I learned so much from you. You will be FOREVER AND ALWAYS my first love.

I wanna look back and remember the good stuff and appreciate what we shared. I hope you do the same.

To us.

xo